Live Journal of Zest

i've got almost all my things at the new house and without gas i'm kinda stuck here till i find work. it's better and worse being here, it's just different, i try not to think in terms of good and bad anymore because it implies benefit or hurt for something without naming what is benefiting or hurting. it's a little bit emotional being distant from friends but i have almost infinite time for personal things like study and family time and looking for work. this big house is almost the most relaxing place i can imagine, i could play video games all day and i get the best sleep with my dozen blankets and adjustable firmness bed in my own large room playing whatever music i want to download on some really good computer speakers; it tempts laziness and i'm not doing very well fighting it. visitors welcome, byob. and liquor and mixers and chasers and transportation plz lol

It is finally time for me to move my things to the new house in highland. since my computer is moved as of yesterday, everything else, including me, must also move in.

we have a responsibility to manage our world better.
people are starve and die of disease because our natural
resources are mismanaged, not to say that some people have too
much - but that opportunities are being passed up to improve
production which would allow people to choose their challenges
in life rather than inherit unavoidable ones.

Computer architecture on a future horizon
A very notable approach in the research phase potentially breaks the structural limits of conventional processing architectures. It is called configurable computing. Here the program code causes the compiler to create intermediate code suitable for runtime reconfigurable field-programmable gate arrays in which during the scope of program objects the configurable logic represents the calculating structure able to perform as desired. Since many objects can potentially perform in parallel on streaming data this ultimatively constitutes an advanced parallel processing architecture. Configurable computing could be categorized under computing in memory which is inspired by the function of the neuronal brain, where the processor and the memory eventually cannot be distinguished from each other.

i feel the need to share that where
i work there is a cashier who is
lebanese and speaks arabic and he
is training to be an airplane pilot.
it just freaks me out.
but i guess thats racial profiling
and i never did look into the
philosophy of that so i will just
assume he is a good guy cause he
seems like one. still freaks me out
tho.

the prediction for friday is up to 60! (weather.com)
yay.

What Makes You.. by SheBangs12
Your name?
Your gender?	MaleFemaleOther
What makes you sexy?	Your hips
What makes you pretty?	Your eyes
What makes you loveable?	How sensitive you are
What makes you fun?	Are you kidding? You're boring!
What makes you irresistable?	Your hugs
What makes you cute?	Your personality
Quiz created with MemeGen!

hit it right on the nose with the fun part! i couldnt beleive it

love = elusive
elusive = existent + rare
love = 2 ppl who bond completely
2 ppl who bond completely = existent + rare

lets explain the conclusion ^

2 ppl bonding completely seems good.

why doesnt it happen? cause you can
only do that with one person.

From here you can go off on tangents for hours
about complicated things - but i wont

just explaining my idea about how love
is really really complicated and that's
why ppl dont successfully do it often.

if you do start doing it well though, dont do
what most of us have done, dont mess it up
being all difficult and posessive, getting mad
all the time, not wanting to talk about it. THESE
talks should all last 10 to 15 seconds. if they
dont, then start over. theres my kickass 2 cents.

BRING IT ON BITCHES!!!

this is some of a song

I'm never going to be good enough for you
Can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me

Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside

All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

THIS SONG by simple plan always makes me feel good
I dont care what you think about it.
but these are some clips from the lyrics
that make the bulk of the song seem like
something that its not, cause when you hear
the rest of the lyrics you see its about his dad
but if you've had certain love related experiences,
then you can relate to these parts ^^^

do u think ppl need authority as adults cause they have it as kids?

and heres an article about fossil fuels. just read the gray area at the bottom of this:

http://www.harvardsciencereview.org/Issues/spring2005/pages_9_9.pdf

also i decided that what i want is not something i will have time for so i am sad.

some wisdom: one year is enough to forget junior and senior high school math.

so every atom has gravity. when you put two atoms together, they stick and their collective gravity field grows as if the side of the atom touching the other one is half continuing to pull on the friend atom and half sending it's gravity force to the other sides. so the collective field grows, suppose enough to pull 10 other atoms because they're near enough. the 11 friend atoms completely cover the one. the collective field grows even more, in fact multiplies 12X the first atom and 6X the two? probably not so much because that would be free energy considering that each atom is still forcing the other atoms in their direction and so can't provide the entirety of their gravity outwards to new atoms. but certainly more than when they're alone. maybe also the atoms no longer use the gravity from the others when they are as close as they can be, only when they try to move away. (i've been shown the analogy that relates gravity to a 3 dimensional figure of a stretchy film on which items rest and as one is set on it, it makes an impression that pulls others to it. and as more collect, the depression deepens. thats enlightening until you realize it takes gravity to pull and make the depressions, but still interesting cause it suggests that gravity might not come from atoms but instead the media in which atoms exist, called space i guess. and its interesting because as long as there's no structure suporting this space film at any point, then there might be a heaviest point where everything in existence is being pulled to. in that case, one point will affect every bit of matter and so the gravity of the heaviest object could be felt anywhere in the universe and someone could mark the direction of it at two or three different points and find the center of the universe.) and when you have countless numbers of atoms like the amount on earth, each atom's contribution is stacked so the gravity's strong enough to pull our bodies' atoms to it. pretty hard too. if we add more atoms to earth, the collective force should grow. planets with more atoms than earth have stronger gravities supposedly. now when you heat an atom, it grows and loses density because the electrons spin faster and have farther out orbits. i wonder if that changes atomic gravity somehow? so you can see why i can sit and play with magnets for hours... god i waste so much time. which is why my mood is what it is.

i decided what i want

Yea so i've been sitting around for a few hours on the computer. i promised myself i'd only get on to download something and it always turns out like this. So i did a search about when a girl is most likely to get pregnant because in maxim it said that you're good to go 2 days after ovulation (end of period) for about a week. since then from different ppl i've heard several DIFFERENT (note different) versions of this, and it can be important, so i found this, and if you have contradicting info plz comment it (and the reference) on this post :P should be interesting.

be sure to read the bottom half too i dont want to be responsible for anything ya know... :-P :-P :-P

http://www.teenwire.com/ask/2001/as-20010905p274.php?print=yes

yea, my new screen name is complacentbubble. beats chipmunkguy for sure. the internet is nice and fast at 635am. so is my computer for some reason. reading about political philosophy (ayn rand's "Capitalism: the unknown ideal"), it sounds like something my dad would write, and i'm approaching it with caution because i'm predisposed to agree with it. its fun to analyze every point, and so far she is doing good at building logically from the ground up :P i like it. hope everythings going good for ppl. i'm going to need to get over cherie i guess, since she's finally moving to fla., but i had more feelings than i thought i would, so thats hard... it should be easy when she starts living with him. i shouldn't be writing this on livejournal but i'm too wreckless to stop myself. and who doesnt like hearing ppls personal problems every now and then. time is going too fast. its almost 7. i hate when that happens. well night

well... last night, really this morning, was kindof gay cause this yellow cavalier sideswiped me... i guess to some people it's a good idea to pass while turning right with only one lane. and while you're at it, smash into the person you're passing. then speed off doing like a hundred. and the cops were great, they made me park and wait while i could have just drove down the road to get their plate, then they took forever so the car drove away. and calling them almost got me a ticket because i guess my plate is messed up somehow. so i decide i will joke with my friend on the phone, that doesnt go so well, i guess people randomly take things wierd. so i'm kindof worried about that. what else? well i'm up at 4am posting depressing things on livejournal, that could be a bad sign.

MY FIX: Well its less than a fix, its how i deal with my computer problem. I heard of a messenger program called Gaim so i downloaded that it works well so i replaced aim with it. My Aol Safety and Security Center program wont work so i just dont worry about it. The performance issues rarely show up so i will ignore it unless it causes me a good enough deal of trouble or until i come across a real fix.

And quoting Sean's answer to a question I didn't hear: "BECAUSE THE MONKEYS WON'T TOLERATE INJUSTICE." It had something to do with mario party i think. Its a good party game indeed.

well my fix worked once and only once im stuck again

k i found a temporary fix on microsoft's website. it's called clean booting. you go into msconfig, choose selective startup, and clear the boxes for the system.ini file, the win.ini file, and the startup items. leave the services box selected then go to the services tab. hide the microsoft services and then disable all the remaining ones. hit ok on the msconfig window and let it reboot, and although some things may not work, it has allowed me to once again use AIM.

ALRIGHT Steve is frustrated

Continuing in 3rd person, steve has had a bug with his computer for awhile now. cant remember what program it came with nor when it started happening.
So, he tried adaware, aol's member exclusive spyware/virus scans, hijack this, and prolly some other things, nothing has even noticed this problem.
The problem is associated with startup items in msconfig called xipo and wkypqo. thats right i memorized them. oops that wasnt third person. i can uncheck them and restart (or just re-logon). that fixed the problem as long as i didnt open windows media player (wmp). so i was fine with doing that. but now, just logging in to windows itself activates the startup items that i had just cleared. i thought it might be a service doing this (since services have done this to me b4) but i cleared all non microsoft services to no avail. maybe its a critical microsoft service cause i tried msconfig's diagnostic startup (loading only the most basic drivers services and stuff) and the problem continued unscathed. so my windows is hijacked? woot. i searched google and another engine for xipo and wkypqo, finding only xipo stuff. nothing seemed wierd. i guess xipo is a place near or in china though. maybe the startup items are a reaction to a problem i caused tinkering with my system, but i guess kerrie has something doing what my problem is doing, bogging down performance and not allowing aim to run. i should go check out her pc. yay dinner is here. also the explorer process sometimes goes nuts and freezes up my puter until i end the process and type explorer in "new task". but it bogs down my puter soon after i do that anyways so then i need to reboot. so its a deep rooted and annoying problem but i can live with it for now. it also wont let me run aol safety and security center. i reinstalled wmp and aim also. my next step is to try to remove wmp because at one time it was triggering the problem. i might also tell microsoft about the msconfig diagnostic startup part(but i have an illegal windows copy with no service packs so...). i hope SOMEONE knows SOMETHING about this or else i might have to FORMAT i know i know i will not use that word again in public :P

my 100th grade description of someone

an arrant, dishabille, slatternly, enervated situation squatting in an unkempt figure reminiscent of an unprepossessing glutton

i got world of warcraft and now i'm
seeing why everyone's addicted to it.
maybe it has something to do with
getting your money's worth out of
the monthly payments, but it IS a
fun game however you look at it.

so my car is already fixed and it was only $325.
that worked out pretty well i think.
my dad is really helpful with money and stuff.
so i can drive again yay.
also its the weekend so i can take calls on my cell.
but i wont have weekday minutes till thursday.

paranoia and fear from being yelled at
disheartenment from lack of love
shame from ruining my car
and the money to fix it
irritation from my job situation
assurance from a somewhat steady income however slow
satisfaction of taking care of business myself
freedom of free time and mostly empty house
confidence and fun from seeing friends
some confidence from girls
confusion of going through life for the first time
opportunity to learn on my own, online, and for free.

so there are some boring things on my mind starting
out bad and more or less getting better. Also:
I wonder what the value of a relationship is.
who can really afford one when we have school?
Don't get me wrong I've spent plenty of time in
love and I know that sweet feeling of it. But
its really complicated too, no exaggeration.
So here's my thought: sex. without attachment,
complete freedom with the benefits. but there's
jealousy. that's a personal battle for people to
overcome within themselves as far as im concerned.
I dont have any value for my own jealousy.
How unorthodox am I? I should be burned right?
haha
-steve

from an awesom web site that anyone interested in dating should check out
yes its jewish but it has good points
some of its for older people
but alot of it applies very well

http://www.aish.com/dating/






3) Communication Skills

Make sure that you understand each other. This may seem obvious, but it's not.

Sometimes you can see a couple arguing for an hour, two hours, maybe even overnight. And then, at the end of round 16, it turns out that the whole thing was just a misunderstanding: "Oh, I thought you meant that...That's not what you meant? Oh, then we agree."

This is a problem because frequent disagreements are like a mushroom cloud -- they spread throughout the house and ruin its atmosphere. A home filled with the negative energy of ongoing arguments is not going to be a place to which either spouse wants to return at the end of a rough day (or even at the end of a pleasant one). And this is doubly true for children, who need to feel that their home is a safe zone.

So although husband and wife will not always see eye to eye -- and even mistaken disagreements can happen to anyone on an occasional basis -- beware if you see it happening frequently.

Advice for me and whoever.
When depressed, do something about it
that makes you feel like you've done
all you can.

EDIT:
THIS ISNT ABOUT DRUGS
example: gf breaks up with you
so you're sad. then you do everything
you need to do to fix it.
and after that its not in your
hands anymore. :)

so how is everybody?

let it be known that showers are good

im kindof lonely this week cause my gf is busy. I'd hang out with her but she hangs out with her sister who, according to cherie hates my guts so im not allowed to see her during that time which is alot because her friend from florida is visiting there. the only reason i see her at all is if i drive sortof far away to pick her up or if she can come over to sleep here cause by chance i have the house to myself and she woke me up to drive her. i think i should post this because im not seeing things perfectly clear, i'm frustrated that i dont see her as much as usual, so perhaps the masses or my friends can help with this one. I trust her but to me it looks bad cause her friend from florida is practically her ex, but I trust her alot. still she could find some time to spend with me its going on 5 days. she did tell me "it's not like i'm going to spend all my time with ryan and never see you" but its only by chance that we see eachother for small periods of time after theyre done hanging out for the night. i think i am being impatient but really im not all upset, so impatient or not it doesnt matter. unless i should be concerned but only i can decide that. i guess i'll just trust her totally on this one, thats been my decision and i'll keep it but i still feel sick about not seeing her nearly as much. and not being allowed to is messing with my head. i understand her sister is being protective but i've never had an older sister so i dont understand them quite as well as the other three possible kinds which i do have. its so wierd cause everytime i try to get along with her i just fuck it up somehow, everyone says im too quiet around her which i am cause i see her and her bf only when its late and im really tired and because the smoke in their appartment is making me want to sneeze and i know ryan would have been a better match for cherie and on top of all that i'm a little nervous. i wish i could just fix it ya know? damn life. damn it all to hell.
-Steve-

cherie is the best girlfriend ever i love her so so so so so so so much and im going to get her soooooooooooo much stuff for her bday YAY!!!!!!!
she will be so happy YAY!!!!!!!!
YES!!! YAY!!!!!
hapy happy happy cherie yes yes yes oh yes
lalalalala hapy happy happy